Let me tell you about my brother: Joshua Stephens. Of course he’s not my biological brother but my friend on a level not most people can ascertain. I remember the first day I met Josh; it was the first day of band camp. We both played the trumpet. As days worn on and school started, we both had a lot in common. We both loved the beach and we enjoyed the same music, such as Jack Johnson, The Fray, and FM Static. We both loved God, and enjoyed hanging out with each other during school. Also this intense love for Mountain Dew was on our “MASH” list. Our personalities blended together perfectly. Freshman year was a pretty particular freshman year. He had a girlfriend, I didn’t. We didn’t hang out that much, due to the fact neither of us drove, but we maintained pretty good contact through phone and AIM. We grew to be good friends, and when sophomore year came, our friendship was even stronger. This year was different, he could drive, not by himself, and I couldn’t. So study sessions were in, hang-outs were in, and man time was a definite even though we weren’t true men, yet. Sophomore year was plain and simple no complications. With sophomore year introduced a new friend, Elise. The three of us tag teamed freshman, made jokes, and just screwed with the teachers. Three friends with not a care in the world. Of course, Elise being a girl didn’t mean our friendship was as simple as Josh and mine. Of course I had to play the teenage hormone, I-think-I’m-in-love-with-you card. Elise, being more level headed, made me out to be a fool, and from that point we were best friends. Junior year came, and Josh had bad news. His girlfriend of a year… a long time had broken up with him. This incident was a sudden blow, but it brought the trio even closer together. We were there for late night calls, wipe his tears, hangout with him when he needed. Josh and I grew super close this year. Towards the end of the calendar year, Josh started to normalize. Josh could drive by himself now and hang outs were official and so was man time. Towards March, Josh got a new girlfriend. Elise and I were excited for Josh, and we expressed it. Although we did question his reasoning for going out with a girl so soon after the traumatic breakup. As time wore on, the trio started to drift part or at least Josh did. Fewer phone calls at night, fewer hang outs, and fewer man times. Josh had dropped off the radar. Senior year and the same trend worn on. We didn’t see much of Josh unless he was in class with us. I kept wondering if we had made a mistake. Did we piss him off one time to much? I probably made the biggest mistake of my high school career; I talked to his girlfriend about. Thing got misconstrued, accusations were made, and our friendship had taken a turn for the worse. We had a long falling out period, and for the time being it was me and Elise. He soon began to realize how he missed hanging out with us, and started to hang out a little bit. Still the bulk of his time was with Kelly. He even used the trio as a lie to his parents to explain where he was. Josh and I started rebuilding our relationship and things seemed to get better. We graduated as best friends, and spent the summer together. Man time had officially gone out the window. Kelly was Josh’s shadow. I never spoke of my frustration of this with him due to the fear of losing him again. Our late night conversations had resumed. We had dinner at each other’s house, got to know each other’s family. We were officially together again. We talked out our frustrations of life but I always kept my frustration with him secret. Only Elise knew. Still it wasn’t officially back like it used to be. Something still felt out of place. Summer ended and I left for NC State and Josh stayed at home. As school worn on, Josh stopped calling. I called him and tried to pick up the slack. I started to feel neglected. I felt like Josh, such a great friend, a brother, was leaving me out in the wind. With earnest, I tried to make contact with him, but our talks of life, God, and women had dwindled to small talk. What had happened to the Josh I knew before. Had I made a mistake? I called a few people that I knew were friends with Josh before me. They too, had experienced the same falling out experience as I. They told me to just accept it, that it was a fact of life. To me, that was betraying a friend, that I couldn’t turn my back on him. He was still my brother. That brings me to today. Josh had started a rumor about my friend, Elise, and her relationship with her boyfriend. This was most certainly not Josh. I am confused. My soul aches to explain this to myself. I keep replaying our friendship in my head trying to examine anything I did wrong, Anything I could make right. Nothing comes to mind anymore. I am at the point of where is my friend, whom I had loved as a brother. What am I to do? Am I to stand by his side, as the loyal friend and hope secretly that he will call again? Or am I to move on and just not sever the ties but to not use them anymore? What am I to do as a college freshman approaching summer and the next greeting of his best friend?
Please don’t consider me whining, or stuck in high school drama. I just want answers. Its just that I am struggling. I never had a guyfriend that I really could confide in till him.
